undeadredhead10185

when I think about my life and how it has gone since I when to high school it mostly sucked. and my summer isn't the best ether I have been depressed for about a month now and no one has noticed. At this point I have to drag my self out of bed when I have slept for over 12 hours. when I get up its around 11 or 12 now and I go to bed around 9 or 10. and I have no one to talk to about it because when ever I try to hang out with some one so I can talk about it they can or they are hanging with there boyfriend (which they hang out with every day) so I never get to talk to any one about it and I don't want to talk to my parents about it because they will keep asking why I'm depressed and when I tell them they wont believe  me, they will keep asking why and I will have told them a million times over!...... most nights I cry my self to sleep some times I will try to go to bed at 8 but cant sleep and then I start thinking about it and every time I think about it it makes me cry more. some times I just cant take it and I wish I would just disappear. I feel like I don't belong here like I don't belong any where when I'm with people I feel like a stranger in my own life.

I don't know if I can trust any one any more. every one in my life has lied to me. made me do things that I have regretted, like when my friends told me lies about my boyfriend so I would brake up with him. all because they didn't like him, they made me miserable, like I was a total bitch. all I want to do any more is to push a way all the people I love. the most common thing I think of now is me just walking out the door and NEVER!!!!!!!!! looking back. I just wish that I could start fresh and have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. all I want to do is leave....